EMOTIONAL & RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (ERQ)


Discover, Empower, & Connect
ERQ
Personal
Report
WELCOME TO EMOTIONAL & RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (ERQ)

Congratulations! You have taken an important step by completing the Emotional & Relational Intelligence ERQ assessment. This ERQ Personal Report is designed to provide you with helpful feedback that will enable you to build your personal and relationship skills so that you can better deal with challenges in life. Below we have listed important goals of this assessment.

To help you DISCOVER, EMPOWER, & CONNECT

  • DISCOVER—your personal & relationship strengths
  • EMPOWER—you to develop your EQ & RQ skills
  • CONNECT—more effectively with others at work & in your personal life

Goals of The ERQ Program:

  • To increase your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Relationship Intelligence (RQ).
  • To help you develop personal and relationship skills you can use in all areas of your life.
  • To maximize your strengths and deal constructively with problematic issues.
  • To help you identify and better manage the stress in your life.
  • To help you achieve better balance in your life.
  • To increase life satisfaction in important areas of your life.

Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Relationship Intelligence (RQ)

  • Improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
    • Emotional Awareness
    • Emotional Expression
    • Self Confidence
    • Emotional Management
    • Anger Management
    • Life Balance
  • Improve your Relationship Intelligence (RQ)
    • Communication
    • Conflict Management
    • Empathy
    • Closeness
    • Change
    • Respecting Diversity

FOUR POWERFUL PROFILES:

You completed one or more of the four Profiles. Each Profile assesses stress, ERQ resources and satisfaction in one area of life. This Report summarizes the Profiles you completed:

  • Personal Profile (RQ) — for everyone
  • Work Profile (RQ) — for anyone in a work group
  • Marriage/Couple Profile (RQ) — for dating, engaged or married couples
  • Family Profile (RQ) — for two parent and single parent families
EMOTIONAL & RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (ERQ)

Table Of Contents

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Self Awareness
 
4
  • Emotional Awareness, Emotional Expression & Self Confidence
  • Exercise 1: Building Strengths—Self Awareness
Self Management
 
6
  • Emotional Management, Anger Management & Life Balance
  • Exercise 2: Building Strengths—Self Management
RelAtionA Intelligence (RQ)
Relational Awareness
 
8
  • Empathy, Effective Listening & Respecting Diversity
  • Exercise 3: Building Skills—Relational Awareness
Relational management (Four Areas of life)
  • Stress in Four Areas of Life
     
    10
  • Four Pillars Across Four Areas of Life
     
    11
Personal RQ Profile
 
12
  • Communication Style, Conflict Management, Closeness & Change Style
  • Exercise 4: Building Skills—Personal Profile
Work RQ Profile
 
16
  • Work Communication, Conflict Management, Work Closeness & Change
  • Exercise 5: Building Skills—Work Profile
Marriage/Couple RQ Profile
 
20
  • Marriage/Couple Communication, Conflict Management, Couple Closeness & Change
  • Exercise 6: Building Skills—Marriage/Couple Profile
Family RQ Profile
 
24
  • Family Communication, Conflict Management, Family Closeness & Change Style
  • Exercise 7: Building Skills—Family Profile
Your Personal Action Plan
 
28
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)
Self Awarenes

Emotional Awareness is the ability to describe your own feelings & know the impact your emotions have on your thoughts and behavior.

 
Very High

You are very aware of your own feelings and you know how they impact your actions with others. Keep up the good work of tuning in to your own feelings.

  • Strengths:
  • -I am aware of what I am feeling emotionally
  • -I notice how my feelings affect my mood.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -The activities I do depend on my mood.
  • -I sometimes have difficulty describing my feelings.

Emotional Expression is the ability to share feelings with others rather than keeping them inside.

 
High

You are generally good at sharing your feelings with those close to you and you do so in a constructive manner. Sharing feelings helps you stay connected to others.

  • Strengths:
  • -I feel better after sharing feelings with those close to me.
  • -I tell others when things are upsetting me.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I prefer to keep my feelings to my self.
  • -It is hard for me to share my feelings with others.

Self Confidence is the ability to feel good about yourself and your ability to handle challenging situations.

 
High

You generally have a high level of confidence in yourself and your ability to handle issues in your life, but you have more difficulty when under high levels of stress.

  • Strengths:
  • -I have a number of good qualities.
  • -I have much to be proud of in my life.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I feel helpless in dealing with life’s problems.
  • -Sometimes I feel I am being pushed around in life.
4
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

Exercise #1

Building Strengths—self Awareness
  • Emotional Awareness—the ability to describe your own feelings and know the impact that your emotions have on your thoughts, behavior and relationships
  • Emotional Expression—the ability to share feelings with others rather than keeping them inside.
  • Self-Confidence—the ability to feel good about yourself and your ability to handle challenging situations.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the section on Self Awareness (page 5). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Expression
Self-Confidence

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN:
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Emotional Awarenes
  • Emotional Expression
  • Self-Confidenc
5
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)
Self Management

Emotional Management is the ability to manage your emotions and stay calm and collected rather than over react to stressful situations.

 
Moderate

You are able to remain calm when you are in stressful situations rather than react in an emotional way. Managing your feelings enables you to be more in control of difficult situations.

  • Strengths:
  • -I deal with painful emotions and do not get overwhelmed.
  • -I remain calm under pressure.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -When I am upset, I sometimes act on my first impulse.
  • -I tend to emotionally withdraw and hold back in new situations.

Anger Management is the ability to control and manage your anger towards others.

 
Low

While you are often able to manage your anger, it’s sometimes difficult to control. Try to find ways to better control your anger.

  • Strengths:
  • -When I get angry, I can calm myself down.
  • -I can stop myself from losing my temper.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -Sometimes I have a hard time controlling my anger.
  • -Others tell me I tend to be emotional.

life Balance is the ability to effectively manage your time and energy so you feel less stress and in control of your life.

 
Moderate

You have a good balance in your life and you are able to find time for yourself and to enjoy your close relationships and family.

  • Strengths:
  • -I have a good balance of time for myself, work and family.
  • -I am able to find some quality time for myself.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -At times, my life is too hectic.
  • -Work takes too much of my time and energy.
6
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

Exercise #2

Building Strengths—self Management
  • Emotional Management—the ability to manage your emotions and stay calm and collected rather than overly react to stressful situations.
  • Anger Management—the ability to control and manage your anger toward others.
  • Life Balance—the ability to effectively manage your time and energy so you feel less stress and in more control of your life.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the section on Self Management (page 7). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Emotional Managements
Anger Management
Life Balance

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN:
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Emotional Management
  • Anger Management
  • Life Balance
7
RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (RQ)
Relational Awareneaa

Empathy is the ability to tune into how another person feels and let them know you truly understand them.

 
Moderate

You have very good skills at being empathetic and letting others know that you really understand how they are feeling.

  • Strengths:
  • -I can feel the joy and pain of others.
  • -I enjoy getting to know how people feel.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -At times, it is hard for me to understand the feelings of others.
  • -I have a difficult time putting myself into another person’s shoes.

Effective listening is the ability to focus on what another person is saying both verbally and non-verbally, and give them feedback about what you have heard.

 
High

You have very good listening skills and are also able to let people know that you have heard what they are saying verbally and non-verbally.

  • Strengths:
  • -I enjoy listening to others share with me.
  • -I restate what I hear to make sure I understand correctly.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I enjoy sharing my stories more than listening to others.
  • -I have a difficult time being a really good listener.

Respecting Diversity is the ability to care about other people who are different from you and value what they can provide.

 
Low

You have some appreciation of the positive aspects of diversity but you need to expand your openness to how diversity can be beneficial.

  • Strengths:
  • -I enjoy being with people that are different from me in terms of ethnicity and other characteristics.
  • -It is helpful to have a more diverse work group.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -People from more diverse backgrounds tend to be less competent.
  • -Our society suffers because we are too helpful to people in the minority group.
8
RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (RQ)

Exercise #3

Building Skills—RelationAl Awareness
  • Empathy—the ability to tune into how another person feels and let them know you truly understand them.
  • Effective Listening—the ability to focus on what another is saying both verbally and non-verbally, and give them feedback so they feel understood.
  • Respecting Diversity—the ability to care about other people who are different from you and value what they can provide.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the section on Relational Awareness (page 9). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Empathy
Effective Listening
Respecting Diversity

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN:
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Empathy
  • Effective Listening
  • Respecting Diversity
9
STRESS IN FOUR AREAS OF LIFE

This table summarizes the stress in various areas of your life. There are four areas (personal, work, marriage/couple, and family) and we have listed the areas you described.

Stress

Levels
Very High
High
Moderate
Low
Very Low
 
 
 
 
 
Personal
Work
Marriage
Couple
Family
Top Five Stressors For Each Area

Personal Stress:

  • Lack of time for yourself
  • Owe too much money
  • Too much time away from home
  • Lack of time with partner
  • Too much housework or home projects left undone

Work Stress:

  • My job requires too much of my time and energy
  • I am unhappy with my job
  • There is little flexibility with my job
  • There is stress and tension in our work group
  • My supervisor is not very supportive of me

Marriage/Couple Stress:

  • My partner spends money unwisely
  • We have difficulty resolving conflicts
  • My partner tries to control me
  • My partner fails to do his/her share of the household tasks
  • I am concerned about my partner’s temper or moods

Family Stress:

  • Arguments between parent(s) and child(ren)
  • Difficulty juggling all the schedules and activities
  • Problems getting household tasks completed
  • Difficulty with child care
  • Too much charged on credit cards
10
FOUR PILLARS ACROSS FOUR AREAS OF LIFE
Communication Style
 
Very Low
Low
Moderate
High
Very High
Personal
 
High
Work
 
High
Marriage/Couple
 
High
Family
 
High
Conflict ReSolution
 
Very Low
Low
Moderate
High
Very High
Personal
 
High
Work
 
High
Marriage/Couple
 
High
Family
 
High
Closeness (Cohesion)
 
Very Low
Low
Moderate
High
Very High
Personal
 
High
Work
 
High
Marriage/Couple
 
High
Family
 
High
Change (Flexibility)
 
Very Low
Low
Moderate
High
Very High
Personal
 
High
Work
 
High
Marriage/Couple
 
High
Family
 
High
11
PERSONAL RQ PROFILE
Very High
High
Moderate
Low
Very Low
Personal
Stress
Personal
RQ Resources
Personal
Satisfaction
 
 
 
 
 
Personal Stress
Communication Style
Conflict Mnagement Style
Closeness Style
Change Style
Personal Satisfaction
Personal Stress

Personal Stress describes how much stress you are feeling personally in all aspects of your life.

 
High

You appear to have many frustrations and stressors in your life which are draining your time and energy. It will be important to deal with these issues directly and work on building your resources to prevent them from stressing you out in the future.

The five most stressful items are listed below:

  • Lack of time for yourself
  • Owe too much money
  • Too much time away from home
  • Lack of time with partner
  • Too much housework or home projects left undon
12
PERSONAL RQ PROFILE
Communication Style

Communication style is the ability to share a wide range of positive and negative feelings to form close and satisfying relationships.

 
Moderate

You have some good communication skills and are sometimes able to share your positive and negative feelings, which help you develop healthy relationships.

  • Strengths:
  • -I feel better after sharing my feelings with another person.
  • -I find it easy to express feelings when I am sad or feeling down.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I keep my feelings to myself.
  • -I have a hard time saying what is bothering me.
Conflict Management Style

Conflict Management Style is the ability to be cooperative and creative in trying to find ways to resolve problems.

 
Low

You have some skills in resolving conflict, but you need to not avoid conflict but try new ways of handling conflict constructively.

  • Strengths:
  • -When there is conflict, I try to help propose solutions.
  • -To deal with issues, I make a plan of action and follow it.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I often just wish my problems would just go away.
  • -Sometimes I say nothing to avoid conflict.
Personal SSatisfaction

Personal Satisfaction measures how happy you are with your life and whether you have a positive outlook on your future.

 
Low

You have a low level of personal satisfaction in your life and you are not very optimistic about your future.

  • Strengths:
  • -I generally enjoy the things I do.
  • -I usually feel calm and peaceful.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I do not feel loved and wanted.
  • -My future does not seem very hopeful and promising.
13
PERSONAL MAP
CHANGE
Overly
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Very
Flexible
 
 
Connected & Very Flexible
 
 
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Somewhat
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Inflexible
 
 
 
 
 
Disconnected
Somewhat
Connected
Connected
Very
Connected
Overly
Connected
CLOSENES
 
Balanced
 
Mid-range
 
Unbalanced

Closeness Style is your ability and interest in connecting with other people and valuing close personal relationships.

 
Connected

Your personal style with others is Connected. You have some skills and interest in connecting with others, but you also value your personal time alone. You have a good balance of time with others and alone.

  • Strengths:
  • -Close friends are important to me.
  • -I believe staying in touch with friends is important.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I prefer to keep my personal feelings and thoughts to myself.
  • -I would rather work alone than in a group.

Change Style is your ability and openess to change and being creative versus being rigid and resisting change

 
Very Flexible

Your personal style with others is Very Flexible. You have some ability to be creative and open to change, but you also are organized and like more structure and routines.

  • Strengths:
  • -I like to work in an organized fashion.
  • -Being creative is important to me.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -I find change to be disruptive.
  • -I like to work with clearly defined rules.
14
PERSONAL RQ PROFILE

Exercise #4

Building Skills—Personal RQ Profile
  • Communication Style—is the ability to share a wide range of positive and negative feelings to form close and satisfying relationship.
  • Conflict Resolution Style—is the ability to be cooperative and creative in trying to find ways to resolve problems.
  • Closeness Style—is the ability and interest in emotionally connecting with other people and valuing close personal relationships.
  • Change Style—is the ability and openness to change and being creative versus resisting change.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the Personal Profile section (page 13).Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Communication Style
Conflict Management Style
Closeness Style
Change Style

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN: (4Cs)
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Communication Style
  • Conflict Resolution Style
  • Closeness Style
  • Change Style
15
WORK RQ PROFILE
Very High
High
Moderate
Low
Very Low
Work
Stress
Work
RQ Resources
Work
Satisfaction
 
 
 
 
 
Stress
Communication
Conflict Mnagement
Closeness
Change
Satisfaction
Work Stress

Work Stress describes how much stress you experience at work.

 
Very High

It appears you are having some stress at work and five of the top stressors are listed below. In order to reduce stress at work, it will be important to further develop the Work RQ Resources using exercises we have provided in the ERQ Workbook.

The five most stressful items for you at work are listed below:

  • My job requires too much of my time and energy
  • I am unhappy with my job
  • There is little flexibility with my job
  • There is stress and tension in our work group
  • My supervisor is not very supportive of me
16
WORK RQ PROFILE
WORK RQ Resources

Work Communication describes the quality of the communication in your work group.

 
Moderate

You seem to have very good communication skills with others at work, but there are some ways it could be improved. Continue to let others know your ideas and share more of your feelings. Practice good listening by reflecting back to others what you hear them saying.

  • Strengths:
  • -Co-workers listen and understand my ideas.
  • -It is easy for me to tell my supervisor what I am thinking.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We have some communication problems at work.
  • -Group discussions are not very productive or enjoyable.

Work Conflict Management indicates the ability of your group to solve issues and reduce stress.

 
Low

You and your group have moderate conflict management skills and too often continue to do the same things from the past. You need to improve your skills by brainstorming and seeking new solutions.

  • Strengths:
  • -We are often creative in how we handle problems.
  • -We try to deal directly with stress in our group.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We have some issues that never get resolved.
  • -We sometimes ignore or minimize issues.
Work Satisfaction

Work Satisfaction indicates how satisfied with your current job & your work group.

 
Low

You do not seem to very happy with your current job or work group. One way to increase your satisfaction is to focus on improving the four work resources listed above. Good luck on building your resources at work.

  • Strengths:
  • -I generally get along with my co-workers.
  • -My salary is fair and adequate.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -My work does not make use of my abilities.
  • -My work is not very interesting.
17
WORK MAP
CHANGE
Overly
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Very
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Flexible
 
Somewhat Connected & Flexible
 
 
 
Somewhat
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Inflexible
 
 
 
 
 
Disconnected
Somewhat
Connected
Connected
Very
Connected
Overly
Connected
CLOSENES
 
Balanced
 
Mid-range
 
Unbalanced

Work Closeness is defined as the emotional cohesion you feel toward your work group. The three central levels of closeness (somewhat connected, connected & very connected) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (disconnected & overly connected) can be more unhealthy.

 
Somewhat Connected

You perceive your work group as connected, meaning there is a balance of independence and working together. You may at times feel connected to your group, but also at times isolated. Try to find ways to increase your work togetherness.

  • Strengths:
  • -Our group likes to be together.
  • -We ask each other for help.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -Our team sometimes is too serious.
  • -Some group members are too independent.

Work Change is defined as the ability of your work group to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to work demands. The three central levels of flexibility being more healthy (somewhat flexible, flexible, & very flexible) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (inflexible & overly flexible) can be more unhealthy.

 
Flexible

You perceive your work group to be Flexible. Relationships in the flexible range are open to change when necessary, with a good balance between stability and change. Leadership and decision-making are effective and can adjust to work demands.

  • Strengths:
  • -We are able to make changes when necessary.
  • -We compromise when problems arise.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -Our group is sometimes disorganized.
  • -Some group members are too rigid.
18
WORK RQ PROFILE

Exercise #5

Building Skills—Work RQ Profile
  • Work Communication—is the quality of the communication in your work group.
  • Work Conflict Resolution—is the ability of your work group to solve issues and reduce stress.
  • Work Closeness—is the emotional connection you feel toward your work group.
  • Work Change—is the ability of your work group to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to work demands.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the Work Profile section (page 17). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Work Communication
Work Conflict Management
Work Closeness
Work Change

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN: (4Cs)
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Work Communication
  • Work Conflict Management
  • Work Closeness
  • Work Change
19
MARRIAGE/COUPLE RQ PROFILE
Very High
High
Moderate
Low
Very Low
Marriage/Couple
Stress
Marriage/Couple
RQ Resources
Marriage/Couple
Satisfaction
 
 
 
 
 
Stress
Communication
Conflict Mnagement
Closeness
Change
Satisfaction
Marriage/Couple Stress

Couple Stress describes how much stress you experience in your couple relationship.

 
Moderate

You appear to have some stressors in your couple relationship. The top five are listed in the Stress Profile page. Keep up the good work of dealing directly with your stressors.

The five most stressful items are listed below:

  • My partner spends money unwisely
  • We have difficulty resolving conflicts
  • My partner tries to control me
  • My partner fails to do his/her share of the household tasks
  • I am concerned about my partner’s temper or moods
20
MARRIAGE/COUPLE RQ PROFILE
Marriage/Couple Resources

Couple Communication communication indicates your ability as a couple to solve issues and reduce stress.

 
High

You have very good couple communication and you are able to both listen and understand each other. You share feelings well and are generally able to let each other know what you want and need from the relationship.

  • Strengths:
  • -It is easy for me to express my true feelings to my partner.
  • -My partner is a good listener.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -Sometimes I have a hard time asking for what I want.
  • -Partner sometimes gives me the silent treatment.

Couple Conflict Management indicates the ability of your couple relationship to solve issues and reduce stress.

 
Moderate

When under stress as a couple, you have some difficulty being cooperative and organized. You have difficulty trying new ways of solving problems and tend to repeat what was done in the past. Try brainstorming as a method to help you work together more as a team.

  • Strengths:
  • -We are often able to solve issues together.
  • -We work well as a team.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We have some difficulty cooperating.
  • -At times we become disorganized.
Marriage/Couple Satisfaction

Couple Satisfaction indicates how satisfied you are with your partner.

 
Very High

You are very satisfied with your couple relationship and feel good about most aspects of the relationship. You generally communicate well and you stay emotionally connected with each other.

  • Strengths:
  • -I feel we communicate well and understand each other.
  • -My partner is caring and affectionate.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We sometimes disagree about household tasks.
  • -My partner is more messy then I am.
21
MARRIAGE/COUPLE MAP
CHANGE
Overly
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Very
Flexible
 
 
 
Very Connected & Very Flexible
 
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Somewhat
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Inflexible
 
 
 
 
 
Disconnected
Somewhat
Connected
Connected
Very
Connected
Overly
Connected
CLOSENES
 
Balanced
 
Mid-range
 
Unbalanced

Couple Closeness is defined as the emotional closeness you feel toward your partner. The three central levels of closeness (somewhat connected, connected & very connected) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (disconnected & overly connected) can be more unhealthy.

 
Very Connected

You perceive your couple relationship as Very Connected, meaning you may feel emotionally close to your partner. More connected partners are often more dependent on one another. Guard against allowing you relationship to get too connected. You have a very healthy level of closeness & intimacy as a couple.

  • Strengths:
  • -We ask each other for help.
  • -Our togetherness is a top priority.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We share different hobbies.
  • -It is hard to find time to do things together.

Couple Change is defined as the ability as a couple to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to life’s demands. The three central levels of flexibility being more healthy (somewhat flexible, flexible, & very flexible) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (inflexible & overly flexible) are considered more unhealthy.

 
Very Flexible

You perceive your couple relationship to be Very Flexible. Relationships in the very flexible range are open to change when necessary, with a good balance between stability and change. Leadership and decision-making are equally shared, and roles can adjust to life’s demands. This is a very good level of flexibility for couples.

  • Strengths:
  • -We compromise when problem arise.
  • -We are creative in how we handle our differences.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -It is sometimes hard for us to share leadership.
  • -Sometimes things feel like they are chaotic.
22
MARRIAGE/COUPLE RQ PROFILE

Exercise #6

Building Skills—Marriage RQ Profile
  • Marriage Communication—is the quality of the communication in your couple and family relationships.
  • Marriage Resolution—is the ability of your partner/family to solve issues and reduce stress.
  • Marriage Closeness—is the emotional connection you feel toward your partner/family.
  • Marriage Change—is the ability of your partner/family to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to stress.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the Marriage/Couple Profile section (page21). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Marital Communication
Marital Conflict Management
Marital Closeness
Marital Change

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN: (4Cs)
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Marital Communication
  • Marital Conflict Management
  • Marital Closeness
  • Marital Change
23
FAMILY RQ PROFILE
Very High
High
Moderate
Low
Very Low
Family
Stress
Family
RQ Resources
Family
Satisfaction
 
 
 
 
 
Stress
Communication
Conflict Mnagement
Closeness
Change
Satisfaction
Family Stress

Family Stress describes how much stress you experience in your family.

 
High

You have many stressful issues that are problematic in your family. The top five are listed below. It will be important to discuss these directly and try to resolve some of them to reduce family stress.

The five most stressful items are listed below:

  • Arguments between parent(s) and children(s)
  • Difficulty juggling all the schedules and activities
  • Problems getting household tasks completed
  • Difficulty with child care
  • Too much charged on credit cards
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FAMILY RQ PROFILE
Family RQ Resources

Family Communication describes the quality of the communication in your family.

 
Moderate

It appears you have some strengths in your family communication. Family members do not seem to be understood and are frustrated talking with each other.

  • Strengths:
  • -We express our true feelings to each other.
  • -We enjoy talking about our daily activities.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We avoid discussing important issues.
  • -We are not good at listening to each other.

Family Conflict Management indicates the ability of your family to solve issues and reduce stress.

 
Low

You seem to have difficulty solving problems and working together as a family. Your family is not able to work cooperatively with each other. Try some new ways of dealing with issues by brainstorming new ideas.

  • Strengths:
  • -We openly share our feelings about a problematic issue.
  • -We cooperate in solving problems.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We become disorganized when we are under stress.
  • -We have a difficult time making a final decision.
Family Satisfaction

Family Satisfaction indicates how satisfied you are with your family life.

 
Low

Your family seems very satisfied, and your resources can help your family maintain high satisfaction. Family discussions could also help improve your resources and satisfaction.

  • Strengths:
  • -We enjoy being together as a family.
  • -Family members are supportive of each other.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We have difficulty solving family problems.
  • -Our communication is sometimes unclear and conflictual.
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FAMILY MAP
CHANGE
Overly
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Very
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Flexible
 
 
 
 
 
Somewhat
Flexible
 
 
Connected & Somewhat Flexible
 
 
Inflexible
 
 
 
 
 
Disconnected
Somewhat
Connected
Connected
Very
Connected
Overly
Connected
CLOSENES
 
Balanced
 
Mid-range
 
Unbalanced

Family Closeness is defined as the emotional closeness you feel toward your family. The three central levels of closeness (somewhat connected, connected & very connected) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (disconnected & overly connected) are considered more unhealthy.

 
Connected

You perceive your family as Connected, meaning you may feel emotionally close to your partner. You have a good balance of independence and togetherness as a family. Look for ways to keep your closeness and intimacy as a couple.

  • Strengths:
  • -We ask each other for help.
  • -Our togetherness is a top priority.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -We share different hobbies.
  • -It is hard to find time to do things together.

Family Change is defined as the ability of your family to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to life’s demands. The three central levels of flexibility being more healthy (somewhat flexible, flexible, & very flexible) are considered most healthy. The two extreme levels (inflexible & overly flexible) are considered more unhealthy.

 
Somewhat Flexible

You perceive your family to be Somewhat Flexible. Relationships in the somewhat flexible range are open to change when necessary, with a good balance between stability and change. Leadership and decision-making are shared, and roles can adjust to life’s demands. This is a healthy balance that most family members enjoy.

  • Strengths:
  • -We are able to share leadership.
  • -We are creative in how we handle our differences.
  • Growth Areas:
  • -Sometimes it is hard for us to compromise.
  • -It is hard for us to adjust to change.
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FAMILY RQ PROFILE

Exercise #7

Building Skills—Family RQ Profile
  • Family Communication—is the quality of the communication in your family relationships.
  • Family Resolution—is the ability of your family to solve issues and reduce stress.
  • Family Closeness—is the emotional connection you feel toward your family.
  • Family Change—is the ability of your family to adjust to changes and be flexible in response to stress.

Instructions: In your ERQ Personal Report, turn to the Family Profile section (page 25). Insert the scores below for the three areas and indicate if each is a Strength or Growth area.

Summary of Strengths:
Score
Strength/Growth Area
Family Communication
Family Conflict Management
Family Closeness
Family Change

Strengths and Growth Areas: Very high = Strength; High = Mainly Strength; Moderate = Some Strength/Growth; Low = Some Growth Needed; Very Low = Growth Needed

Your ACTION PLAN: (4Cs)
Write one idea to improve your ability in each of these areas, especially the Growth areas.

  • Family Communication
  • Family Conflict Management
  • Family Closeness
  • Family Change
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EMOTIONAL & RELATIONAL INTELLIGENCE (ERQ)

Your personal Action plan

Building Your Relationship Skills

The ultimate goal of this ERQ Program is to help you more fully develop all of the four relationship skills and be able to use them in all aspects of your life. By improving your relationship skills, you will be better able to manage stress and increase satisfaction in your life.

We would recommend that you focus on developing one of the four relationship skills (communication, conflict management, cohesion, flexibility). You can begin with the relationship skill that had the lowest score across the areas of life you completed. Or you can just choose the one you personally what most to improve.

Then use the CHANGE Model (see below) to work out a specific plan. We suggest that you spend one week on a given area and then re-evaluate and consider if you want to do another week or focus on one of the other relationship skills.

CHANGE model

  • Commit yourself to a specific goal
  • Habit.....break an old one and start a new one
  • Action..take one step at a time
  • Never give up..realize lapses will occur
  • Goal oriented...focus on the positive and your successes
  • Evaluate your progress and reward yourself
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